17 Aug 2014, 11:39am

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I sweat profusely each time I mow the lawn

(Kill your darlings)

Hex stamp blitzkrieg romance

Spiderbite poultice
Angry as fuck

Foolish in love
And metamorphosing into some kind of a shirt scratcher
Drinking power protein shake smoothies each morning to boost my fiber
Fighting off the effects of old age
With a ridiculous monotonous routine
I Lift the dumbbells over my head
And Swear and cuss when I hear the joints pop
Rub the sore spot over my shoulder
Think about what it might have been
to live in some sort of more temperate future
where it all would begin to make sense

In my dreams I sometimes resemble Bruce Willis in The Fifth Element
But with more hair

Everyone knows what they like
That’s the trouble with people
All of them
Are Dumb and Dumber
And the genius ones are the dumbest of all
No Milla Jovovich to show them the way
with her orange hair and drop dead gorgeous good looks
For she doesn’t use her brains for villainy
Not even in the Resident Evil series of which I am also a fan
She is a goddamn vigilante fighter

Instead we get Disney films and they all feature some kind of
a do-gooder maître d’
Usually male
Who is all I am going to show the world what I am made of!
with pluck and valour
And so we get another Swedish self-centered heroism
The Highlights cartoon Goofus and Gallant
Reader’s Digest ceremonial platitudes
Breakfast stories
Good morning america

But that is not what I’m talking about

In my movie
The hero is a whoremongering whorehound
And he is walking in your neighborhood
And he dives into the alley and he puts on a swift coat
He eats leftovers from the Chinese restaurant
Wipes his mouth with his sleeve
He plays with dogs
He is a drug dealer
And a drug taker
He sits at the bar with Leopold Bloom and he kicks back beer after beer
He walks through the town with little Alex and he beats up a homeless man
Fancy old rich ladies with gigantic porcelain penises
He is a cad
With a gigantic codpiece

He walks all night and in the end he comes to your house
To drop a love letter in your mailbox

I want to finger bang you under a blanket while we watch a Disney princess movie

And you go to the window and you look out and you blush
And there he is,
So you shoot him

Which is Morse code for
I want to turn over everything

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